Indian-ness

And you walk in the crowd, you try to fit in, because now you are not the same 16 year old who'd wear a fancy cap to get attention. You're now the 23 year old who tries to lay low and blend in. Your clothes make you mix in. Your friends do not recognise you as you wait the bus stop because you're dressed like an 'American'. Your Indian-ness does not show up on the fancy Diwali nights or socials where people line up for photographs. It does not show up when you watch patriotic movies on a laptop screen. It does not show up while you read stories and poems of great men and women. It does not show up as you drape yourself in an Indian dress, feeling beautiful, watching the glittering border in the bathroom mirror light.

But your Indianess shows up at the times when you least expect it to. It shows up when you go the Asian store and cry when you see a price tag of Rs 8 on a Maggi noodles packet. It shows up as you walk to work past one of those machines in the arena playing Sochna kya, kal jo bhi hoga dekha jayega. It makes you stop and listen. It can make you miss home, take you back to the school picnics where you sang this in the bus, on your way to Saputara or Bordi. It shows up when you walk in fund raising event at the Campus Center and a counter with 'India' written on it catches your attention. You forget the anarchist studies counter you were looking at, forget the Marxism conference you were wondering about, and you go and make conversation with the Kashmiri gentleman who tells you 9 lakh children in India work as bonded labour.

So many children wake up each morning in India having to work as bonded labour to repay a debt their parents are under. Sometimes grandparents. So even as you worry about submitting your next lab, they worry about their next meal. Even as you wonder if you should buy a MacbookPro or a T61, they wonder what it is like to go to school. Even as you crib about the blood stains you have on the bed you picked from the dump, they sleep on the floor. Even as you think whether you should buy an Aeropostale or an American Eagle hoodie, they wear the same clothes, going bare on days they are dried and washed.

And what can you do about this all? And what can I do about this?

Forgive me if I am incoherent. I have no words again. I'm lost.